Recipe for the worst-ever day of parenting

Mix a mother with fever, headache and a bad cold and 2 cranky kids and you get a cocktail that blows you off your feet. It´s not delicious, it´s not sweet, just highly explosive, so let´s call it a Molotov. I had one of those yesterday and it resulted in my, probably, worst day of parenthood ever.

Getting the mix right requires several successive steps starting with a lack of sleep. This is easily done using a toddler who wakes up screaming at least 5-6 times a night. In addition to that, you have to have some really weird dreams. Mine was about me and Prince William taking a hiking trip... Seriously, of all people I could have dreamed of, why him? And why the heck did we go hiking?

Anyhow, once this is done you should wake up totally destroyed and with a full blown headache. On top of that add a screaming toddler (this time awake and inconsolable) and a yet another toddler, who won´t listen to anything you say, because she just figured out she knows it better anyway. Go and have breakfast, make sure milk and cereals are spilled everywhere (if we had pigs they would be fat as hell) and make it drag out forever. The clock is ticking, tick tack, you have to be at playgroup by nine but neither one of the kids care. After HALF an hour you decide breakfast is over and get the kids to brush their teeth. Everything goes rather smoothly at this point.

Afterwards it´s time to get dressed. Let´s get clothes on, sweethearts! But oh, where did they go? You find that one has wandered off into the playroom while the other one is hiding under the changing table. "Hppppffffff, breathe, take it easy, you are fine" says that little person in your head! And hpffff you do. Ok, new attempt and this time it works. Off to school you go without anymore incidents. Then the remaining toddler goes to sleep, you listen to the silence and you decide it wasn´t that bad after all. You CAN cope.

When it is time to pick up toddler one you arrive at school, everything is sweet, sweet harmony until you tell her she cannot use the scooter down the ramp (because it is very steep and she does NOT know how to use the break properly).  She breaks down in tears and, as if this wasn´t enough, trips over the scooter and falls in the middle of the ramp. She is ok, no harm done but she refuses to get up and cries like she has just been hit by a missile. Behind you the cue gets longer and longer and finally the mom behind you offers to take the pushchair, so that the fallen toddler + scooter can be removed from the scene. Everyone walking by looks at you with those big eyes (like the cat in Shrek) and wonders if the poor girl is ok. And yes she is but you are not. You just want to get home and hide yourself under a blanket...

From being the saddest person on earth, scooting toddler now switches into happy mode in a millisecond (for no obvious reason), jumps back on the scooter and off you go. She happy, you exhausted. But hold on, the cocktail is not ready yet! Now, you have to spend an afternoon at home with a little toddler who throws fits for just anything and a big one, who constantly asks you to tell a story or do something else with her. You decide to do something fun, you boil some eggs and start coloring them. It´s Easter soon, time to get ready anyway.  It´s actually a peaceful activity, your Cocktails simmers for a while, and you get some nicely colored eggs (...and fingers, faces, clothes and floor, but that´s ok). The balance is re-established for a while and the tension you felt before vanishes. At least until around dinner time, when both kids are tired and crankier than ever. Little one keeps screaming - big one is on her all the time - makes little one scream even more - you try not to yell at either one of them but start to lose patience and so on and so on. In the end you are boiling and voila, the cocktail is ready. Just add one little thing, whatever you fancy and it is ready to explode! Hopefully your husband is at home by then, which mine luckily was. Cheers!